If you really want to annoy someone, keep saying ‘nerp’, for no reason.
And I don’t mean only say, ‘nerp’. I mean, toss it in randomly.
‘What was the name of that website I was on earlier?’
‘Was it nerp?’
Then in the silences to follow, say, ‘was it nerp?’ a few more times.
Also, really emphasize ‘nerp’, make it sing. They’ll hate you. I guarantee it.
A list of phrases I’d like to see used in public:
- Woohoo yoohoo chocolate milk!
- Make like a spider and web.
- Stayin’ alive like Johnny Five.
- Go blog yourself!
- You smell like an olfactory sensory neuron.
- Open your rods and cones.
- Honeydew, honey don’t.
- Time to teleport.
- That warms the cockles of my seafood stew.
- Don’t give up, take down!
- It’s a Catch-22,000 Leagues Under the Wide Sargasso Sea.
- That’s so atomic!
- I’m so hungry I could chew, swallow and digest a horse.
- Say hello to my amigo pequeño!