Trumpty

Stop whatcha doin’
’cause I’m about to ruin
the image and the style that ya used to.
I look funny,
but yo I’m makin’ money, see
so yo world I hope you’re ready for me.

Now gather round
I’m the tweetin’ fool in town
and I like to fly to states that are battlegrounds.
I’m sellin’ dried steaks and gaudy ties off my shelf
so just let me introduce myself…

My name is Trumpty, pronounced with an Umpty.
Yo ladies, oh how I like to hump thee.
And all the GOP candidates – please allow me to bump thee.
I’m steppin’ tall, y’all,
and just like Humpty Dumpty
you’re gonna fall when Fox News pumps me.
I like to scream,
I like my hair funky,
I’m spunky. I like my orange skin lumpy.
I’m sick wit dis, straight Wharton mack
but sometimes I get ridiculous
I’ll eat up all your debate time with my gibberish
hey yo fat girl, c’mere-are ya ticklish?
Yeah, I called ya fat.
Look at me, I’m orange,
It never stopped me from gettin’ busy
I’m a freak
I like the girls with the boom
I once got busy in a private yacht club bathroom
I’m crazy.
Allow me to loudly praise me.
They all say I’m the greatest ever but it just don’t faze me.
I’m still gettin’ in the girls’ pants
and I even got my own locker room parlance.

The Trumpty Dance is your chance to do the Trump.
Do the Trumpty Trump, come on and do the Trumpty Trump.
Do the Trumpty Trump, just watch me do the Trumpty Trump.
Do ya know what I’m doin’, doin’ the Trumpty Trump.
Do the Trumpty Trump, do the Trumpty Trump.

People say “Yo, Trumpty, you’re really funny lookin'”
that’s all right ’cause I get things cookin’
Ya stare, ya glare, ya constantly try to compare me
but ya can’t get near me
I give ’em more, see, and on the floor, B,
all the girls they adore me
Oh yes, ladies, no one respects you more than me
’cause in a 69 my Trumpty nose will tickle ya rear.
My hands are small, uh-uh I’m not ashamed
I talk about my pickle, I’m still gettin’ paid
I get laid by the ladies, ya know I’m in charge,
both how I’m livin’ and my face is orange
I’m verbally abusive, my politics polluted,
I use words that don’t mean nothin’, like really really really great
I like to shout ya fired, and if ya missed it,
I’m the one who said I can just grab ’em in the [biscuits].
My ego is fragile, I need the starlight.
Well, yeah, I guess it’s obvious, I also like to fight.
All ya had to do was give Trumpty a chance
and now I’m gonna do my dance.

The Trumpty Dance is your chance to do the Trump.
Do the Trumpty Trump, come on and do the Trumpty Trump.
Do the Trumpty Trump, just watch me do the Trumpty Trump.

*

White men, do the Trumpty Trump, do the Trumpty Trump.
White men, do the Trumpty Trump, do the Trumpty Trump.
White men, do the Trumpty Trump, just keep on doin’ the hump.
White men, do the Trumpty Trump, do the Trumpty Trump.

Let’s get stoopid!

Home Nepot

I hate nepotism. Pick a celebrity or a famous/wealthy citizen and, more likely than not, society is forced to live with their offspring and all of the advantages they’ve been bestowed. Sure, Jayden Smith is hilarious in a bat-shit crazy sort of way, but do we (i.e. society) need him? Do we need Judd Apatow’s daughter who couldn’t act her way out of a gazebo? We (society again) gave up on Michael Jordan’s kids as basketball stars (go us!), but at least in sports you have to earn it (see Steph Curry vs. Austin Rivers). In entertainment, you don’t have to be good (there are few metrics of talent), but if your mom or dad made it, then you and your next 12 generations are set. Politics works the same way (not necessarily as Jeb Bush hoped and anticipated; but he never would have even had the pedestal to attempt a presidential run if ma and pa hadn’t paved the way). Hillary’s riding Bill’s gravy train. Bono’s daughter is acting up a storm. So’s Phil Collins’. Can’t wait for little Apple Martin and North West to start their own bands, fashion labels, perfumes, etc. Millions and billions of dollars just funneling into the same ol’ grubby hands because they can and we will. I’m in the camp that believes a silver spoon sets the wrong example. If Brooklyn Beckham is going to make it, let him make it (or not make it) on his own, without the built-in PR army pillaging on his behalf. Let others stand on equal footing. But it won’t happen like that. We like our royals. We’ve been genuflecting for too long to stop now.