Die Hard is the best Christmas movie because it takes place during a company holiday party and features Christmas music, funny use of the phrase ‘ho ho ho’ and occasional spoken German which lends an old-worldy, Santa Claus-ish feel. Plus, detonators.
Brushing your teeth is like a shower for your mouth.
Watching TV is like radio for your eyes.
Grapefruits are like the obese love-child of an orange and a lemon.
Mirrors are like windows you can’t see through.
Maple syrup is like boiled down tree piss.
Circus peanuts are like orange death.
Greeting cards are like letters you were too lazy to write.
Musical greeting cards are like letters you were too lazy to write (with music).
Dinosaurs are like big chickens.
Chickens are like tiny dinosaurs.
Forests are like nature’s lungs (so are large bodies of water).
Die Hard is like the best 80s action movie.
Nothing goes together better than Vicodin and a Starbucks Holiday Spice Flat White. Except maybe Vicodin and a fifth of Jameson. Or Vicodin and road head. Vicodin and the original Die Hard trilogy. Vicodin and Eggo Waffles. Vicodin and butterflies. Vicodin and puppy pictures. Vicodin and a full-body Swedish massage. Vicodin and Reese’s peanut butter cups. Vicodin and a nap. Vicodin vicodin vicodin. Vi-coding. Vic Odin. Vic O-D in. Vic-accordion. Violin dandelion. Valid orderly. Viking a ding a ling a ding dong.