Duane Reade v. Dwyane Wade

Dwyane Wade: 12 x NBA all-star

Duane Reade: Coconut water on sale

Advantage: Dwyane Wade

Duane Reade: Offers seven types of tweezers

Dwyane Wade: Averaged 35 ppg and 8 rebs in 2006 NBA finals

Advantage: Dwyane Wade

Dwyane Wade: Had love child out of wedlock

Duane Reade: Sells condoms

Advantage: Duane Reade

Dwyane Wade: Famously teamed up with LeBron

Duane Reade: Famously teamed up with Walgreens

Advantage: Draw

Duane Reade: Glass storefronts

Dwyane Wade: Glass ego

Advantage: Duane Reade

Dwyane Wade: Spells name wrong

Duane Reade: Spells name wrong

Advantage: Dryawe

Mergers & Acquisitions

Today, Verizon announced that it will acquire Yahoo!, a company best known for not having any value and being your grandparent’s equivalent of BuzzFeed. That’s like Toys ‘r Us buying KB Toys. Or McDonald’s buying All American Burger. Or Dick’s buying Sports Authority. Or Lumber Liquidators buying National Lumber. Or Barnes & Noble buying Borders. Or Amazon buying Barnes & Noble. Or Netflix buying Blockbuster. Or Taco Bell buying Etsy. Or Home Depot buying Auntie Anne’s. Or Warner Brother’s Studio Store buying a single Granny Smith Apple. Or a baby penguin buying a hotel on Ventnor Avenue. Or a group of housewives sucked into an Avon Ponzi scheme buying nail polish from a beauty supply shop that is not affiliated with Avon. Or a jelly donut buying a bushel of grapes and a pound of sugar and glassware for canning and preserving its own jelly.