Do you check your iPhone compulsively early in the morning, late at night, and every other godforsaken hour of your pathetic existence? Want to stop? No problem. Legal disclaimer: I’m not a doctor, addiction expert, or self-sabotaging Apple executive, but here are 5 foolproof suggestions for curing your pesky iPhone addiction.
- Develop a far more expensive addiction, like snorting cocaine mixed with gold flakes, that leaves you so depleted of funds the phone company suspends your service.
- Mutilate your favorite pet in a wildly savage and appalling manner, then snap a pic and make it your lock-screen photo. This will deincentivize you from checking your iPhone.
- Develop meaningful friendships with the people around you, then just use their phones.
- Channel your energies into more productive endeavors, like reading up on psycholinguistics or building a mausoleum.
- Switch to a Samsung Galaxy S.
Check back first thing tomorrow for 5 more suggestions.