Life lessons and a Guinness

“Anyone who openly says, ‘I’m good at public speaking,’ is not ‘good’ at anything.”

-SpudWeb

handwritten note

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Decaying Matters

Walking a trail in the woods, stuff’s dying and growing in tandem. It smells sickly sweet, but that’s not it. Fragrant isn’t it either. It’s the woodsy mixture of decomposition and dirt. Pine needles by the millions pave a lush cushion you can feel through sole and sock and skin. We walk along talking of politics, climate change, dinner options. A woman walks in front of us barefoot. Dusk settles in behind us.

Fade, Memory

If someone asked me to write a story about something that happened to me one month ago, I’d stare at the blank page and come up with nothing. If they said, how about last week? I’d look at the page and write: ate food, went to bathroom (probably). If they said, how about yesterday? I’d go back and write: ate food, went to bathroom (definitely). If they said, how about one minute ago? I’d turn to the page and wipe away the drool.

Missed Connections…in Product Placement

Seriously, how the hell hasn’t Ninja blender (aka Shark Ninja LLC) figured out a huge product placement campaign with the recent Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie and the upcoming Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Out of the Shadows? Hello, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles? Hello, Shredder? Hello, God, it’s me, Shark Ninja LLC, asleep at the wheel.

When Carmelo Antony is beating you to the punch, time to give up and crawl back in your shell.

And, no, this is not direct from an Onion article (emphasis mine):

“I was basically involved in the whole creative process—the colors, which are kind of obvious considering they’re turtles, and the slogan, and the textures,” Anthony said, per Moin. “I was involved in every step. We really took our time to narrow it down and figure out what we wanted. I feel good about all the pieces.”

At least, I can now legitimately segue into one of my favorite Onion videos ever. Gives a whole new meaning to turtle power. Enjoy!

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