Job Posting: Life Cheerleader

Do you make people feel awesome? Do you have the urge to encourage? Then consider becoming a Life Cheerleader.

Our company is seeking a Life Cheerleader to join our Corporate Morale Team (CMT*) to keep our customers motivated and ‘emotionally medicated‘ (TM). The Life Cheerleader will report to the CMT Leader in parallel with our Life Coach, Life Guide, Life Advisor, Life Criticizer and Vida Persona.

*Not to be confused with Country Music Television.

RESPONSIBILITY:

The Life Cheerleader will be responsible for randomly contacting customers and delivering Words of Encouragement (WOE**) via a stream of approved channels:

  • Email
  • Phone
  • Text
  • Snail Mail
  • Fax
  • Instagram
  • Smoke Signal
  • Skywriting, and
  • Telepathy

**Not to be confused with actual woe.

OBJECTIVES:

  • Depending on the cheerleading package ordered, deliver WOE either hourly, daily, weekly or monthly
  • Improve the quality of life of others through WOE
  • Complete follow-up survey with customer at end of ‘Life Cheerleading’ subscription

QUALIFICATIONS:

The applicant should:

  • Be a human being,
  • Over the age of 5
  • Fluency in emoji, hashtags and internet slang, required
  • Complete lack of shame, self-esteem, personal aspirations, preferred
  • Possess a current driver’s license, local library card or a 20% coupon off one single item at Bed Bath & Beyond

PAY:

  • Peanuts, and
  • Smiles

Make a difference in the life of someone who’s paying you to make a difference in their life!

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