Parenting 501: Fall Semester, Midterm

Question 14:

You (parent) are traveling by car with your 6-year old child (gender nondisclosed). In the distance is a thick pile of low hanging clouds. Child sees the clouds and says, ‘Look at the clouds, [mommy/daddy], can I touch them?’

Select the most instructive response to child from the following choices.

A. Please shut the fuck up.

B. Seriously?

C. Wow, you’re dumb.

D. Give it a try, see how that works out for you because I’ve lived long enough to know that you can’t have everything you want in life, or even half-desire, even if it’s preposterously low-hanging fruit, even lower than those fuckin’ low-hanging clouds because, just like those clouds, as soon as you touch them, they’ll turn to vapor and dematerialize and all you’ll have is an empty hand, an empty heart and syphilis. So think about that the next time you decide to open your ridiculous trap and say some nonsensical shit in front of me because I’ve lived it, pal. I’ve fuckin’ lived it. [stare into rearview mirror for 15-20 seconds.] Who wants ice cream?

E. All of the above.

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